Is shifting out of a bad mood covering up? Is making that shift avoiding the bad things I don’t want to face? Or is choosing to shift releasing what is not healing me and making me whole? When I dwell in my old self-talk which tells me I am not enough to be loved and valued, least of all loved and valued by me, am I being honest or am I too stubborn to change my mind?
Am I unwilling to shift my thinking because this is my normal and I feel I should be here? Do I keep doing the same things that don’t work as punishment to assuage guilt I may not be fully aware of? Am I, secretly or not so secretly, angry or bitter and won’t change until that part of myself is satisfied? Perhaps there is one Eastern philosophy that has it right: The best way to forgive is to get revenge.
I close myself down so I won’t fully love and enjoy my life. That does get revenge on those who have hurt me, right? And it keeps me safe, right? This is the more honest choice, right? I can’t let go of the hurt. Forgiveness would mean I am saying how I got hurt was okay, right? No. Not right.
Letting go is hard. Willingness to let go of the harm I have suffered is hard. Taking responsibility for living fully despite all my wounding is even harder. I have the ability to shift out of the past into the present moment. I have the skills to shift out of continuing to rewound myself and shift into healing my wounds.
I can shift into making the decision, taking the responsibility and keeping my focus on what heals me instead of what re-wounds me. Awareness and enjoyment in this moment heals me. Fully feeling my feelings heals me. Embracing I am not now, nor should I be, perfect heals me. Laughter heals me. Gratitude heals me. Acceptance heals me. I know I will get off track again, that needs to be okay. It is the learning process. I can learn. I can heal. I can shift.
Mary Seyuin, M.A. LLP